true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize