"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
