well you can't waste a boner
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
