In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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