He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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