And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
