I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
birth control should be required to get into college
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
