btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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