Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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