I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he fucked my hip out of place.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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