Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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