HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
