Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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