i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
