Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
