honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Michael Bay diarrhea
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
