my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
