I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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