You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Small penises have feelings too.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
