When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
