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Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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