he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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