All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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