K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
