I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
