The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
