"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
