She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
