yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
