i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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