this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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