You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
