someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
