Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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