Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
