Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
