i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
