Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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