I puked a lego.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
