We named our party play list daddy issues
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
