We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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