I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
