My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
