I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
accomplished twins. life is a go
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
