woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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