I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
