Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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