The maid of honor just puked.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
