It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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