cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
