Can i not drive my cunt home
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
