hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
