dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
