Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize