Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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