No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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