You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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