you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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