Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
