I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
