We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
