Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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