And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
