for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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