I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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