Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
