oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
