I heard we made out
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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