You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
