By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
