no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
