I skipped work to stalk him.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
