new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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