'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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