i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize