so explain again why im purple
no
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
