My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
