im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
