Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
