We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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