tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
