Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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