Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
