So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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