you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
