pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize