my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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