Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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