you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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