Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
