Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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