she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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