U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
