dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
this hospital has no fireball
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize