I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I supernannyed him into submission
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
