Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
