I'm really into asian looking animals
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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