He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
