He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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