So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Randomize
