haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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