I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
