I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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