the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
