think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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