You really coming over, don't trick.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize