i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
