i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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