My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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