No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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